Examiner Comments
The essay presents a clear argument about the challenges of living in big cities and suggests solutions for the mentioned problems.
The essay uses persuasive language, advocating for the importance of affordable housing and addressing social issues like crime through rehabilitation and education.
Specific examples, such as the affordability crisis in London, add credibility to the argument and help to fully develop the main ideas.
The essay follows a structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing issues, and a conclusion summarizing the main points.
A good range of cohesive devices are used naturally.
The introduction states the topic and the writer’s view clearly. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s position.
This essay contains a wide range of appropriate vocabulary which is used accurately and naturally and demonstrates a sophisticated control of language. There are no spelling errors.
Some examples of advanced vocabulary are:
Urban sprawl: Currently, an increasing number of people are opting to reside in large cities, leading to widespread urban sprawl.
Unaffordable property prices: One of the main problems of living in the world’s great cities is that of unaffordable property prices.
People on average salaries: ….people on average salaries can barely afford to rent a property, let alone buy one.
To put pressure on: I believe that all human beings have the right to decent basic shelter, and it is up to us to put pressure on our governments to ensure this is being provided.
Less privileged: Our governments need to put more effort into caring for the less privileged members of society in order to deal with these issues.
This essay demonstrates proficiency in advanced grammar, incorporating various grammatical structures and language elements:
- Complex sentence structure: Currently, an increasing number of people are opting to reside in large cities, leading to widespread urban sprawl.
- Parallel structure. Law enforcement agencies in numerous large cities struggle to maintain control over daily occurrences of street violence and house break-ins
- Conditional sentence: If all individuals in society felt supported to succeed in life, crime rates would surely decrease, thereby raising the quality of life in large cities.
- Conjunctive adverbs: Indeed, supplying quality education, career guidance and support free of charge for everyone would make a significant difference.
Useful Vocabulary
“Opt to” means to choose or decide to do something. It implies making a deliberate decision or preference for a particular course of action among available options.
Currently, an increasing number of people are opting to reside in large cities, leading to widespread urban sprawl.
“Urban sprawl” means the spread of cities into surrounding countryside, usually with lots of buildings and roads.
Currently, an increasing number of people are opting to reside in large cities, leading to widespread urban sprawl.
“Unaffordable prices” are costs that are too high for many people to pay. They exceed what most individuals or families can afford within their budget or financial means.
One of the main problems of living in the world’s great cities is that of unaffordable property prices.
“Average salary” is the typical amount of money people in a certain job or place earn.
In many cities, such as London, people on average salaries can barely afford to rent a property, let alone buy one.
“Break-in” means entering a place illegally, usually to steal or cause damage.
Law enforcement agencies in numerous large cities struggle to maintain control over daily occurrences of street violence and house break-ins.
“To put pressure on” means to push someone to do something or to influence them to act in a certain way.
I believe that all human beings have the right to decent basic shelter, and it is up to us to put pressure on our governments to ensure this is being provided.
“Burden” means something that’s hard to deal with or makes life tougher.
Taking this extreme financial burden away from people would further help to reduce the crime rate as those on lower incomes would not have to stress about how to pay their accommodation charges.
“Less privileged” describes people who don’t have as many advantages as others, like fewer resources or opportunities.
Our governments need to put more effort into caring for the less privileged members of society in order to deal with these issues.
