Examiner Comments
This is a good response to the question. The essay mentions three relevant problems of living in cities, and all of them have corresponding solutions.
Each of the identified problems is developed. For example, problem 1 (high property prices) uses London as an example, problem 2 (air pollution) gives an explanation of how exhaust fumes result in “respiratory diseases”, and problem 3 (quality and cost of public transportation) explores how high cost and old infrastructure can lead to fewer people choosing public transportation.
Similarly, the solutions are developed through a variety of methods. Solution 1 (build more homes) explains the mechanism by which more homes can result in cheaper prices, solution 2 (congestion charge) gives examples of cities which have been successful in implementing this solution, and solution 3 (invest in public transportation) shows how people need an incentive to choose public transportation over their private cars.
The response follows a logical structure. The introduction introduces the main problems and solutions that will be covered in this essay. Each paragraph has a central topic: one problem and a corresponding solution.
Further, it is easy to see which problem is being mentioned in each paragraph through the use of short and clear topic sentences.
Finally, the response makes use of a range of linking words to guid the reader (To combat these problems, Another issue is, Finally, That is to say, In conclusion).
There is also good control of referencing with examples such as “these problems”, “they are forced”, “to buy their own home”, etc. This allows for less repetition within the response.
There is a large range of vocabulary. In particular, this response has many high-level collocations. For example, “urban conurbations”, “significant problems”, “deteriorating air quality”, “affordable housing”, “traffic congestion”, “old and inadequate infrastructure”, “slash ticket prices”.
There is also evidence of sophisticated use synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition. For example “combat problems – tackle problems”, “people – local citizens – city dwellers”.
There is a good variety of structures within this essay. The response has simple sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This makes it easier for the reader to immediately understand the content of the paragraph.
However, there are also more complex structures used when developing ideas. For example, non-defining relative clauses […resources into building affordable housing, which would allow more people to buy their own home.], modal verbs [To tackle this problem, the government could put more resources into building affordable housing] and subordinate clauses [Although cities are very attractive places to live, there are also a host of significant problems …].
Punctuation is well controlled and the response uses commas to good effect.
Useful Vocabulary
An extended urban area.
These days, more and more of us are living in big cities, and urban conurbations are expanding all the time.
Impossible to obtain/ achieve.
In many cities, buying a house near the centre is out of reach for those on an average salary, and they are forced to live outside the city and to commute to work.
A good collocation meaning to “solve/address a problem”
To tackle this problem, the government could put more resources into building affordable housing, which would allow more local citizens to buy their own home.
This is a British phrase which refers to something that has proven in the past to be effective or reliable.
This is a tried and tested method which has the effect of increasing supply and therefore resulting in cheaper housing for all.
When there is too much of something.
Most big cities are overrun with cars, and there is a great deal of traffic congestion.
A lot of traffic (cars, busses, etc.)
Most big cities are overrun with cars, and there is a great deal of traffic congestion.
Diseases affecting your lungs and your ability to breathe
The exhaust fumes from these cars cause air pollution, and as a consequence, more and more city dwellers are suffering from respiratory diseases, such as asthma.
The physical structures and facilities of an area.
That is to say, in most capitals, public transport is inefficient and the infrastructure is old and inadequate.
To discourage people from doing something.
At the same time, ticket prices are often too high, which puts people off using public transport.
To cut ticket prices (make them less expensive).
The way forward must be to invest more money in trains and buses, and to slash ticket prices.
A plan or process to achieve something or solve a problem.
In conclusion, although it is clear that cities face a range of problems, it is undoubtedly possible to start to tackle these issues, and improve the quality of life in cities through government initiatives such as building housing, introducing a congestion charge and improving public transportation.