Examiner Comments
This essay effectively presents a thoughtful analysis of the contemporary trend of people living separate lives from their neighbours and suggests some practical solutions to help create more supportive communities.
All points are fully explained and supported well with some good examples which are relevant to the question.
Cohesive devices are used naturally and effectively in this essay.
This essay is well-organised and presents a clear argument. You start by identifying the issue, providing reasons for it, and then proposing solutions. This logical structure enhances the overall readability.
The essay is arranged into distinct paragraphs, including an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Throughout the essay, the writer uses a wide range of linking words naturally which helps the reader follow the ideas.
This essay contains a wide range of appropriate vocabulary which is used accurately and naturally and demonstrates a sophisticated control of language. There are no spelling errors.
Some examples of advanced vocabulary are:
I would advocate: To remedy this, I would advocate taking an active role to promote a community spirit and to encourage neighbourhood children to play together.
Social interaction: People nowadays work long hours and often have to commute a long way to and from work which leaves them exhausted with little time or energy for social interaction.
Dwindle: In my opinion, this represents a huge loss as supportive communities dwindle and people live more autonomous lives.
Cultivate: Arranging community events would go a long way to cultivate a more social environment.
Strongly encourage: I’d strongly encourage people to make small moves to interact with neighbours and to arrange for their children to play with others in the community.
This essay uses a very wide range of both complex and simple appropriate grammar structures which help to convey ideas with clarity and precision.
- Complex sentence structure: These days it is common for people to live separate lives from their neighbors and to know only a few of them.
- Conditional sentence: If we hear someone is sick or unhappy, we could cook or bake a little extra food for them.
- Parallel structure: To remedy this, I would advocate taking an active role to promote a community spirit and to encourage neighborhood children to play together.
- Modal verbs: I would advocate taking an active role….
Useful Vocabulary
“Due to” means caused by or as a result of.
I believe this has evolved due to longer working hours and spending too much time on gadgets.
“To remedy” something means to correct, fix, or solve a problem or issue.
To remedy this, I would advocate taking an active role to promote a community spirit and to encourage neighbourhood children to play together.
“To advocate” something means to support, recommend, or promote a particular cause, idea, or policy.
To remedy this, I would advocate taking an active role to promote a community spirit and to encourage neighbourhood children to play together.
“Community spirit” refers to the sense of unity, camaraderie, cooperation, and mutual support among members of a community. It embodies a shared sense of belonging, shared values, and a willingness to work together for the common good of the community.
To remedy this, I would advocate taking an active role to promote a community spirit and to encourage neighbourhood children to play together.
“Gadgets” are small electronic devices designed to perform specific tasks.
I believe there are two main reasons for this sad situation: people work too much and spend too much time on gadgets.
“Whereas” is a conjunction used to introduce a contrasting or opposite fact or statement. It is often used to set up a comparison or to present two contrasting ideas or clauses in a sentence.
Furthermore, many children want to play computer games or spend time on social media, whereas in the past they would have played outside with local friends.
“Dwindle” means to gradually decrease in size, amount, intensity, or importance.
In my opinion, this represents a huge loss as supportive communities dwindle and people live more autonomous lives, but I do believe there are some solutions.
“Autonomous” means self-governing or independent.
In my opinion, this represents a huge loss as supportive communities dwindle and people live more autonomous lives, but I do believe there are some solutions.
“To cultivate” something means to nurture, develop, or improve something over time. It can refer to the act of preparing and using land for crops or gardening, but more broadly, it can also mean to foster or enhance skills, relationships, qualities, or values.
Arranging community events would go a long way to cultivate a more social environment.
“Blossom” means to grow and develop well, often used in reference to flowers.
If we make small moves to be more sociable, it is likely that a community spirit will gradually blossom.
