Examiner Comments
This essay effectively presents a clear position throughout and provides persuasive arguments to support the main ideas.
All points are fully explained and supported well with great use of examples which are relevant to the question.
The writer partially agrees with the point that education is important to help deal with obesity issues, but argues that it is not enough and that other factors have to also be in place.
Cohesive devices are used naturally and effectively in this essay.
Ideas flow logically throughout the essay, and there is effective use of paragraphing.
The introduction addresses the topic and states the writer’s view clearly. Main points are stated.
The first two body paragraphs contain clear topic sentences clearly stating the writer’s main ideas.
The third body paragraph emphasizes that the importance of education cannot be denied.
The conclusion summarises the main points clearly and confirms the writer’s view.
Throughout the essay, the writer uses a wide range of linking words naturally which helps the reader follow the ideas easily.
This essay contains a wide range of appropriate vocabulary which is used accurately and naturally and demonstrates a sophisticated control of language. There are no spelling errors.
Some examples of advanced vocabulary are:
A major contributory factor: Firstly, lack of exercise is a major contributory factor towards obesity.
Widespread media coverage: Nowadays, despite widespread media coverage on the importance of exercise, many people are still struggling to get enough.
Shifted their priorities: On top of this, many people have shifted their priorities from living a healthy lifestyle to earning a good salary.
Loss of self-esteem: The inevitable resulting weight gain can cause loss of self-esteem and confidence and it can be very difficult to climb out of this slump and too easy to crawl into obesity.
Large quantities: … there are many unhealthy foods in most countries which are all too easily accessible and are being consumed in large quantities.
This essay uses a very wide range of both complex and simple appropriate grammar structures which help to convey ideas with clarity and precision.
- Complex sentence structure: Many people drive to and from work and sit in an office all day, leaving them lacking in time, energy and motivation to exercise.
- Complex noun phrase: loss of self-esteem and confidence
- Parallel structure: We need to take a more holistic approach and try to find ways to help people to live a balanced life involving sufficient daily exercise and prioritization of their health.
- Comparative and superlative forms: The more people are educated on healthy eating, the higher the chance they will make good choices.
Useful Vocabulary
“Major contributory factor” refers to a significant element or influence that contributes significantly to a particular result, outcome, or situation. It emphasizes the importance of that factor in causing or influencing the observed effect.
Firstly, lack of exercise is a major contributory factor towards obesity.
“Widespread” means common or prevalent over a large area or among many people. It indicates something that is widespread is present or distributed widely.
Nowadays, despite widespread media coverage on the importance of exercise, many people are still struggling to get enough.
“Media coverage” means how news is reported and presented by different media outlets.
Nowadays, despite widespread media coverage on the importance of exercise, many people are still struggling to get enough.
“Downward spiral” refers to a situation that is continuously worsening or deteriorating, often in a self-perpetuating manner where one negative event leads to another, creating a cycle of decline.
This often creates a downward spiral where people feel tired most of the time and choose to spend their free time resting their bodies instead of moving them.
“On top of this” means in addition to what has already been mentioned or experienced. It indicates an additional layer or aspect to consider.
On top of this, many people have shifted their priorities from living a healthy lifestyle to earning a good salary.
“Shift priorities” means to change or rearrange the importance or order of tasks, goals, or activities. It implies giving more attention or focus to certain things over others.
On top of this, many people have shifted their priorities from living a healthy lifestyle to earning a good salary.
“Stodgy” typically refers to something that is dull, uninteresting, or overly formal, especially related to food that is heavy, dense, and not easily digestible
This can lead to stress and depression, resulting in overeating and a tendency to seek sweet or stodgy ‘comfort food’.
“Comfort food” is food that gives emotional comfort, often reminding people of home or childhood.
This can lead to stress and depression, resulting in overeating and a tendency to seek sweet or stodgy ‘comfort food’.
“Slump” means a sudden drop or decline.
The inevitable resulting weight gain can cause loss of self-esteem and confidence, and it can be very difficult to climb out of this slump and too easy to crawl into obesity.
