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Glin

The table provides information about the yearly income per person in eight European Countries in two years 2008 and 2013. The difference in the income is also provided in percentage.

Overall, Poland has shown the maximum increase in salary per person, while Greece had the least. There was no difference in the annual income per person in Netherland. Following Poland, countries such as Luxembourg, Belgium and Austria showed an increase in income compared to the United Kindom, Italy that showed a decrease in income per person.

From the table, it can be noted that the difference in annual income received per person on average in Poland was 22% from 18000 USD to 22000 USD. Similarly, there was a 17% increase in the average annual salary per person in Luxembourg in 2013 from 30000USD in 2008. Countries such as Austria and Belgium also had improved average income per person by 13 and 15% to record a figure of 27000 USD and 30000 USD in 2013.

On the other hand, the average annual income of the population in the Netherland did not change during this period (19000 USD). Countries such as Greece, Italy, and the United Kingdom had a lower average income per person from 23000 USD, 25000 USD and 28000 USD to 20000 USD, 22000 USD and 27000 USD respectively.

Community Band Score

2 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 9 (2 votes, average: 6.50 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Nice answer Glin
    + Good overview. However, when you have a trend over time it is better to give a general description of how the trends have changed before you focus on the largest/smallest categories.
    + Good structure. However, you can improve this by starting your paragraph with a topic sentence, which clearly shows the examiner what they will find. For example, “Five countries experienced an increase in their population figures”
    – Your answer would benefit from having more linking words. You use “similarly” however there are other opportunities to use linking words such as “finally”, “Furthermore”, “By contrast”
    – Try to avoid sentences that simply report a lot of data and don’t give much analysis, for example, “Countries such as Greece, Italy, and the United Kingdom had a lower average income per person from 23000 USD, 25000 USD and 28000 USD to 20000 USD, 22000 USD and 27000 USD respectively.”
    – You don’t need to say “The difference in the income is also provided in percentage.” If you are short on time, don’t bother with this sentence.

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