The bar graph below illustrates the amount of students who graduated from a same university in UK, and the comparison of applying for jobs in 4 different sectors (Education, Retail, Finance, I.T.) in 2008 and 2018, and the prediction in 2028. Overall, there was an upward trend in both Education and Retail sectors, while a downward trend in Finance and I.T., and those trends are expected to continue in 2028.
The number of graduate students applied for jobs in Education and Retail decreased dramatically. There were 400 graduate pupils who wanted to work in Retail sector in 2008, which was the top of the list. Compared to 2028, it is predicted that only circa 160 students applying jobs in Retail. In Education sector, there was a decrease from 300 to just above 200 in 2008 and 2018, and there will be only about 170 students for applying in 2028.
On the other hand, Finance and I.T. experienced an increase in 2008 and 2018. The number of students who desired to work in Finance area increased by around 110 students in 2018, and reached 360. In 2028, Finance is projected to be the most popular area for graduate pupils to work in, at 460 students. As for I.T. sector, it was the bottom of list in 2008, which was only 50 students. However, the number of applying will rocket to just shy of 300 graduate students in 2028.
(2 votes, average: 7.50 out of 9)
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Comments
Very nice use of vocabulary: “circa” “just shy of”- this is very high-level vocabulary and you use it very well. Also, very good use of the passive “those trends are expected to continue”. Here are some tips:
1. Put the overview in a separate paragraph.
2. Your topic sentence for body paragraph 1 should probably have the dates. E.g. “Between 2008 and 2018, the number of graduate students who applied for jobs in Education and Retail decreased dramatically”.
3. Remember, “in the ______ sector”. E.g. “In the education sector”
4. Becareful with word formation: “However, the number of applicants will rocket”, “The number of graduate students applying for jobs”
The given bar graph or The bar graph……
Overall, ( overview must be started from a new line.
That’s a very good point. You don’t need to write “below” in your introduction.
Impressive
For Education and Retail, the trend is DOWNWARD whereas for Finance and I.T. it’s Upward.
isn’t it?