Wai Fong

Wai Fong

The bar graph illustrates information on the quantity of students sending application for jobs in four sectors (education, retail, finance, and I.T.) after graduating from a degree at a tertiary institution in the United Kingdom in two years (2008 and 2018) and gives a prediction for data in 2028.

Overall, two sectors experienced a decline: education and retail; two sectors registered an increase: finance and I.T.

Retail, which was the sector with the largest number of graduates applying in 2008, attracted 400 students in this year. The number decreased to 320 in 2018 and it is expected to drop to 170, becoming the least popular sector in 2028. A similar trend can be observed in education sector: there were 300 graduates who applied for education-related jobs in 2008 before decreasing to around 210 in 2018; the downward trend is projected to continue, resulting in only about 180 students choosing this sector in 2028.

On the other hand, finance registered a dramatic growth, rising from 250 in 2008 to 260 in 2018, which overtook retail to become the most popular sector. The number of graduates who choose this sector is expected to increase to 430 in 2028. Similarly, I.T. saw an sizeable incline, increasing from 50 in 2008 to 140 in 2018, and is projected to reach 290 in 2028.

Community Band Score

1 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 9 (1 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Great stuff ????
    + Good intro
    + Clear structure
    + Good use of data 
    + Lots of good vocabulary for describing the trends (especially the future trends)
    Here are some corrections
    – Be careful with indefinite articles. You wrote “an sizeable” 
    – Explicitly mention the prediction in your overview. You could lose a lot of marks if the examiner doesn’t think you have included the prediction in your overview. 
    – Be careful about trying to fit too much information in one sentence. For example, this sentence contains too much information (and would be better as 2 separate sentences): “A similar trend can be observed in education sector: there were 300 graduates who applied for education-related jobs in 2008 before decreasing to around 210 in 2018; the downward trend is projected to continue, resulting in only about 180 students choosing this sector in 2028.”

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