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Wai Fong

The process diagram illustrates the steps for how a single bottle of wine is produced.
Overall, there are eight steps for making wine, which begins with picking up some grapes and ends with sending the bottles of wine to supermarkets. It is demonstrated that 400 ripe of grapes are required to produce one single bottle of wine.

In the first step, grapes are picked up and sent to further process, where the grapes collected are pressed to become juice. During this process, 400 ripe of grapes are used to make 3000ml juice, and waste is also produced. Afterwards, the juice is left in a large container to undergo fermentation for two weeks.

The next step involves adding pressure to the fermented juice, which produces 1000ml liquid and waste. Once the liquid has been produced, it is then put into a filter. Wine and waste is produced after filtration; all the waste produced in the previous stages is sent to compost. After undergoing filtration, wine is stored in barrels and then kept in bottles. In the final stage, wine, which is kept in bottles, is sent to supermarket for sale.

Community Band Score

1 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 9 (1 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Nice one Fion! 
    + Clear intro
    + Clear overview (although you should mention that the waste is produced)
    + Very good use of the passive
    + Very good use of non-defining relative clauses
    + Good use of “to + infinitive” to explain a reason (e.g. “the juice is left in a container to undergo fermentation for two weeks”)
    400 ripe grapes – without “of” (“ripe” is an adjective)
    picked- without “up” is more natural. We use “picked up” when we are describing a more spontaneous action. E.g. I dropped my phone, and my friend picked it up. 
    In the final stage, the wine (use a definite article because we are referring to “wine” which has already been mentioned)
    Please read and comment on two other members’ answers. We will all learn better when we collaborate ????Thank you!

  2. The process diagram gives information about an eight-stage process which is all about making a single bottle of wine. Overall, it is an eight-stage process, which starts with picking grapes and ends up being sent to the supermarket. Further, the waste is sent to be composted in three stages.
    Firstly, the 400 ripe grapes, which are needed for being juiced, are picked. After that, there is a fermentation process, which takes two weeks, to turn the juice into alcohol.
    Then there needs to be pressed to be ready for not only being sent through the filtration process, but the residual waste also needs to be sent to be composted at 3 different stages: the juicing process, the pressing process, and then the process specialized for filtering. After being left in barrels, which is a liquid container made of wood, the wine is going to be sent to be bottled (it contains 750ml). the last step is to be sent to the supermarket to be sold.

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