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Shehla

The two maps represent a school at the moment and its predicted plan for 2025.

Overall, the school building, sport building, and football stadium will remain the same. However, canteen, basketball courts, and tennis courts will be moved, The playground and the main parking areas will be shrunk. A round about, staff parking, another smaller parking, and science building will be added. Basketball courts will be extended from 2 to 4.

At the moment, the centralised school building is surrounded by: a football ground ,sports building, and canteen respectively in the west, a large playground in the south,2 basketball and 4 tennis courts along with a wide road in the east, a large parking area in the north.

A projected plan for 2025 shows that the school building, parking area, sports building, and football ground will remain the same. However, canteen will be moved from the west of the school building to the east. The playground will be reduced by adding a smaller parking. Next to that northward will be placed the 4 tennis courts and the 4 basketball courts. Science building will be an addition which will be placed next to the sports building, replacing the canteen. A round about in the north east corner will be built having alongside a staff parking in its south and connecting to the main parking area in its west.

Community Band Score

1 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 91 vote, average: 7.00 out of 9 (1 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Admin May 23, 2021

    Very nice Shela ????
    + Nice short intro. Maybe say “… in the present and the plans for 2025”
    + Very clear overview. (this is tricky to do with map diagrams- well done)
    + Lots of great vocabulary. I particularly like “centralised school building”
    + Clear structure. Although, avoid paragraphs with only one sentence if possible. 
    – remember to put an article with singular nouns “However, the canteen…will be moved”, “The science building will be an…”, 
    – Change “at the moment” to “in the present”
    – The first body paragraph is one (very) large sentence. Can you break this up into 2 smaller sentences? 
    – You don’t need a colon here: “surrounded by a football pitch, sports building…”
    – Put a comma to separate multiple locations: “Next to that, just north of the parking, will be the 4 tennis courts”
    – roundabout is usually spelt as 1 word.
    – This sentence causes some confusion: “A round about in the north east corner will be built having alongside a staff parking in its south and connecting to the main parking area in its west.” 

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