In modern society, the trend of having children later in life seems to be more popular than ever. While I believe that this scenario would be beneficial to children as well as their parents, there would be likely more harm than good.

On the one hand, delivering babies later in life enables people time to develop their career. It is undeniable that the nowadays job market is so competitive that it requires the labour force to use every effort to be the most promising candidates for the top positions. Therefore, the young generation does not prefer having babies in their early ages in order to have more chances for climbing up the corporate ladder. By this way, they are able to accumulate finance as well as experience to educate their children in the future.

On the other hand, giving birth to children at the age of thirties or forties would definitely bring potential risks on children’s growth. As a matter of fact, some children might suffer from down symptoms which prevents them from developing properly compared to their peers. The reason for this is that being old may make it difficult for women in the process of transferring nutrition to their babies. In addition to that, mothers are also vulnerable to unexpected mortality because of having unhealthy physical conditions. This has been explained by health experts that women aged older than thirties are not encouraged bare a baby.

In conclusion, the hustle bustle of the current society seems to deter people from having babies at the early age. Although it will be advantageous to the financial issue, it may bring more negative impacts to the children’s health and the parents’ lives and their ability in looking after their babies.

Tutor Feedback

Overall grade: 7.5

Tip 1- Be very clear with your position
This essay is much better, but still not perfect. You really need to be clear on what your position is.

Tip 2- There are still some article mistakes
I suggest that you go online and do lots and lots of quizzes on the use of articles. There are too many rules to learn; doing quizzes will be the most beneficial for you to work out your weak areas.

Tip 3- Don’t use “nowadays” as an adjective
This was the most basic mistake that you made.

Task Achievement

Band 7 Very well done. You have eloquently discussed some very sensitive topics. This essay has 3 main ideas which are all extended. Very good. You are very capable of getting an 8 in IELTS writing. You just need to be very clear with your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

Band 8 Very clear. Your paragraphing is perfect and your ideas are logically linked (especially infant mortality then into maternal health).

Lexical Resource

Band 7 Your vocabulary is very good. There are a couple of slips that lower your score. Examiners would debate over whether to give you a 7 or 8.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Band 8 Congratulations. Over 50% of your sentences are grammatically correct. There are a few errors in terms of articles, but these are minor. Also, nowadays cannot be used as an adjective (use “current” instead)


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