Zheng

Zheng

Alcoholic drinks are now a vital part of civilians’ life. However, some people think that alcohol should be banned as a drug and made illegal. In my opinion, I would partly agree it should be limited. However, if alcohol is pronounced illegal, it would lose lots of fun in our life.
On the one hand, people think alcohol should be banned. It caused a large number of traffic accidents when people drank driven. It is a serious issue for many countries. So, the laws forbid drank driven are necessary. In addition, drinking could get people addicted to alcohol. In this case, it would cause people to fail to do what is normally excepted of them. Furthermore, some alcoholic guys might contribute to violence, especially might end up to hurting vulnerable person who close to them. Some families and relationships would be broken up. Moreover, overdrinking could damage their health. For example, some reports showed the data of overdrinking caused the liver and heart problems.
On the other hand, alcoholic culture is famous for lots of countries and regions. Alcohol is an important symbolic in ceremony around all over the world. For instance, in Chinese wedding history, the couple should drink alcohol together, it means they will accompany by each other forever. In modern life, not only alcohol always relaxes when people get a shooting respite at the end of a stressful day, but occasional drink with family or friends can be tonic, especially celebrate events. Alcohol makes people feel better. Moreover, alcohol is good for heart and circulatory system when people get moderate drink.
Alcohol is both poison and tonic. Many people believe that alcohol brings troubles in life. However, I would argue that we should balance risks and benefits. Firstly, drank driven should be forbidden and made illegal. Secondly, drinking addiction should provide compulsory healthcare or close-knit community help. Thirdly, the reports should educate and encourage moderate drink alcohol, such as no more than one drink a day.
In conclusion, passing the law against unacceptable behaviors are necessary; albeit enjoying moderate drinking is also a part of our life.

Community Band Score

2 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 9 (2 votes, average: 6.50 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. + Clear introduction. However, “However, if alcohol is pronounced illegal, it would lose lots of fun in our life.” should be “However, if alcohol were made illegal, lots of people would have less fun in their lives”
    + Nice topic sentence. However, try to avoid generalisations. Try saying “On the one hand, many people think…”
    + Great example of the importance of alcohol at Chinese weddings.
    – Some problems with tenses. For example, “It caused” should be “It causes” as you are talking about something that is happening in the present. There are other examples of this in your essay (for example, “overdrinking caused the liver and heart problems.”)
    – Try to avoid a new idea at the end of a paragraph (unless you are going to develop it). For example, “Moreover, alcohol is good for heart and circulatory system when people get moderate drink.”
    – Your conclusion should make it much clearer which side you agree with.

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