I HSIEN

I HSIEN

Nowadays, it is a well-discussed topic that whether alcohol should be viewed as a drug and made illegal. In my opinion, I would argue that we should not consider alcohol as a drug, or even made it illegal.

First of all, making alcohol illegal means that we do not respect the alcohol makers. Producing alcohol is a highly professional and time consuming process, which we should view it as a normal job. Take wine for example, making single bottle of wine takes about two to three months, and it needs plenty of stages, such as filtering. Hence, we should view alcohol as a normal item since producing alcohol is a professional skill.

On the other hand, alcohol has benefits for peoples’ health and also improves the quality of life. Firstly, drinking alcohol before going to bed can improve the quality of sleep, and it can even cure people who have suffered from sleep apnea. In addition, when people are undergoing some huge pressure or nervous moments, having a few drinks can make them relax and calm.

An argument against alcohol is that some teenagers have addicted to alcohol because they can buy it easily, and drinking alcohol has negative impacts on their physical and mental development. However, I would argue that this is a matter of why alcohol is so easily accessible. Government needs to make stricter rules about the age limited for buying alcohol, and parents are also responsible for stopping their children from getting alcohol. The fact that some teenagers addict to alcohol is not, in my opinion, a good argument for considering alcohol as illegal.

In conclusion, I disagree that alcohol should be put on the drug list and banned since making alcohol is a professional skill and should be respected. In addition, alcohol is good for people health, and can enhance the quality of life.

Community Band Score

2 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9 (2 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Very nice use of the 70/30 + rebuttal structure. Well done- this is an advanced structure and you have answered the question very well. Your introduction is very clear, your ideas are well developed and your conclusion is spot on. You also use topic sentences very well. Here are some tips to help you.
    1. Be careful with “On the other hand”- this is a linking word that is used to introduce the opposite view. However, you have used it to introduce another idea that you agree with. A better linking word here would be “Additionally”
    2. You now need to focus on your accuracy. For example, “become addicted” (not “have addicted”), “alcohol is good for people’s health (not “people health”)

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