The diagram process illustrates 8 steps to produce a bottle of wine.
Overall, the process starts from picking grapes and end with sending the bottle of wine to the supermarket. There are total eight steps to be done. The process also includes the waste is produced three steps during produced a bottle of wine.
Firstly, grapes are picked, and then they are transported to the factory. Every 400 grapes are crushed to produce 3000ml of juice during this stage. The waste generated from the juice is sent to be composted. After producing grape juice, it is left to ferment for two weeks before being sent to be pressed. The waste is composted while 1000ml of liquid is pushed towards a filter. Once the liquid is filtered through this system, the liquid would be stored in barrels for a period of time. At the same time, the last waste generated from the liquid is sent to composted, too. After having aged in barrels, the wine is ready to bottled. A single bottle of wine contains 750ml.
Finally, when the wine has been bottled, it is ready to be loaded and transported to the supermarket to be sold.
Zheng
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Comments
+ Good brief introduction
+ Accurate overview (although you have some grammar mistakes: “ends”, “there are a total of eight steps”, “The process also includes waste being produced at three steps during the production a bottle of wine”.
+ Very good use of the passive
+ Very good use of “before”, “after” and “once”
– It is not clear what “it” means in the sentence “it is left to ferment for two weeks” (maybe say “the liquid is left to ferment…”
– Your paragraphing is confusing. You mention all of the steps in one paragraph except the final step, which has its own paragraph. This will lower your score for Coherence and Cohesion.
Good attempt!
Pay attention towards Eli while watching his video, when he explains Task 1 structure. You need a bit more efforts to improve the that.