Examiner Comments
The essay begins with a clear thesis statement that states the author’s opinion on the coexistence of online and high street shopping.
The essay presents both the advantages and disadvantages of online and high street shopping, demonstrating a balanced viewpoint. The conclusion emphasizes the author’s belief in the coexistence of both shopping methods, promoting a positive perspective on the advantages each offers.
Specific examples, such as the difficulty of accurately gauging size and color online and the personal experience of finding hiking boots, add depth to the argument.
The essay is organized into well-structured paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.
Transitional phrases such as “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion,” contribute to the coherence and flow of the essay.
Cohesive devices are used naturally in this essay to the extent that they do not draw attention.
Ideas flow logically throughout the essay, and distinct paragraphs are used well.
This essay contains a wide range of topic-specific vocabulary which is used accurately and naturally and demonstrates a sophistication in control of language. There are no spelling errors.
Some examples of advanced vocabulary are:
Rather than: In this digital era, people often choose to shop online rather than at a mall or a store…
To get an accurate idea: It can also be difficult to get an accurate idea of the size and colour of clothes…
The numerous benefits: Alongside these issues lie the numerous benefits of high street shopping.
Undeniable benefits: In conclusion, although there are undeniable benefits of online shopping….
This essay uses a very wide range of both complex and simple appropriate grammar structures with a very high degree of accuracy which contributes to a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
- Complex sentence: It can be a huge inconvenience to have to wait a long time for goods then have to return them because they are damaged or unsatisfactory in some other way.
- Modal Verb: I personally do not think this will happen because human interaction and being able to see items before purchasing is too valuable.
- Concessive subordination: Although there are undeniable benefits of online shopping, I believe it can be inconvenient, and the human side of high street shopping means it will never die.
- Past perfective aspect: For example, I was unable to find hiking boots in my size recently from shops in my city but finally was able to acquire exactly what I needed by purchasing online from another country.
- Impersonal construction: It can be extremely convenient for busy people to order goods online.
Useful Vocabulary
“Rather than” indicates a preference or choice between two options. It suggests selecting one thing over another or doing something in an alternative way.
In this digital era, people often choose to shop online rather than at a mall or a store.
“Phase out” means to gradually stop using or getting rid of something.
The convenience of this cannot be denied and many believe that high street shopping may eventually be phased out.
“Convenient” means something that is easy and helpful to use.
Hence, although online shopping is meant to save time and be more convenient, it can actually have the opposite effect.
“Contrary” means being the opposite or in conflict with something else. It suggests disagreement or contradiction.
Contrary to shopping online, we can try on clothes and can see the items before we purchase them.
“Moreover” means “in addition to what has been said” or “furthermore.” It’s used to introduce additional information or to emphasize a point.
Moreover, we can buy them immediately.
“Furthermore” means “also” or “in addition.”
Furthermore, we can go shopping with friends, having meals together, and even catching a movie when the shopping is finished.
“On the other hand” is used to introduce an alternative or contrasting point of view or perspective. It’s often used to present a different idea or argument that contrasts with what has been previously mentioned.
On the other hand, there are many advantages of online shopping.
“Goods” are things that you can buy or sell, like clothes, electronics, or food.
It can be extremely convenient for busy people to order goods online.
“Undeniable benefits” are clear advantages that everyone can agree on.
In conclusion, although there are undeniable benefits of online shopping, I believe it can be inconvenient…
