The diagram highlightes the process by which one bottle of wine is produced.
Overall, there are 8 distinctive stages involved in making a one unit of vine starting from picking the grapes to transporting to supermarkets.
The starting point is that grapes are picked by farmers or factory workers when they are fully grown and ripen and generally 400 ripen grapes are required to produce 3000 ml juice of grapes. Next, they are collected into a large vessel where the juice is stored for 2 weeks just to be fermented. Once the grape juice has been left for 14 days to complete the process of fermentation, next single step is involved in pressing of the fermented output using an equipment. Meanwhile the pressing process, 1000 ml of liquid is produced, and the liquid of grapes then, is directed to go through a filter by which strains unnecessary stuff to be seperated from original vine.
Throughout the process of manufacturing vine, waste products are collected and diverted to a site at three different levels (squeezing, pressing and filtering) in order to make compost.
At the final stage, having left pure vine in the barrels as process needed, finally , bottles of wines are ready to consume. And after that, bottles of wines are packed and loaded on to a vehicle which takes them to supermarkets to be sold.
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Comments
Great short intro, very good overview (you could improve it by mentioning that waste is produced at three stages). Be careful with making assumptions (e.g. “by farmers or factory workers”- we don’t know who picked them so you should not say). Very good use of the passive. Although you need to be careful- sometimes you say “vine” instead of “wine”. Also, very good use of cohesive devices (The starting point, finally, after that). I would say that you sometimes try to fit in too much information in one sentence. For example “The starting point is that grapes are picked by farmers or factory workers when they are fully grown and ripen and generally 400 ripen grapes are required to produce 3000 ml juice of grapes”- it would be clearer if you had two sentences: “The starting point is that grapes are picked when they are fully grown and ripe. It generally takes 400 ripe grapes to produce 3000ml of juice.
Thanks a million Sir Hardie! Its so great to have a correction from you. Its very kind if you.
You are very welcome!
Good writing Deepika. I really like your introduction.
Thanks!