Alcohol is considered to be a medicament by some people and they want it to banned . I would argue, alcohol is unhealthy causing various health issues, cardiomyopathy and liver cancer; which can even causes death. So, banning it would be a good idea.
Firstly, alcohol can damage heart muscles and causing cardiomyopathy. As a result one’s heart can fail and might cause death. For example, a person who has a weak heart and leads a normal life with the help of exercise and some medicament, might not survive if he takes alcohol. As it weakens hearts muscles and sometimes ruptures delicate tissues, which heart patients cannot bear. It might stop already affected cardio-muscles and gets fatal. Even some patients do not know about their medical history and lead a normal life in ignorance ,but taking alcohol can put them in critical situation. Thus, to be on safe side, it is downright harming and better to be banned.
Secondly, alcohol causes liver cancer, which is the blood producing factory. As no one can survive without blood, it is necessary to have a healthy liver and sufficient blood. For example, the blood of alcohol addicted people has insufficient haemoglobins, which supply oxygen to the body, cause ailment and lethargy. With the passage of time, these haemoglobins get lesser and lesser in number and finally cease off, resulting in liver cancer. As a matter of fact, oxygen is vital for life, and its carrier is blood to distribute it throughout the body. Once the liver gets damaged, it cannot produce healthy blood, cuts off oxygen from the body and it might cause death.
In conclusion, banning alcohol would help to stop health problems. Some serious diseases like cardiomyopathy and liver- cancer can be controlled to some extent. People may enjoy longer and healthier lives.
Nice essay Shehla!😊
+ Good clear introduction with a clear position. Well done!
+ Good development of your idea in body paragraph 1. However, can’t people with “weak heart” be careful. Should it be banned for everyone just because some people shouldn’t drink alcohol? Maybe you can focus on its addictive qualities and emphasise how many people start with a little drink and end up as alcoholics.
+ Very good development of your idea in body paragraph 2
+ Great advanced topic-specific vocabulary
+ Good use of avoiding generalisations with words like “might”
+ Good conclusion which summarises your ideas (although this could be clearer)
– Revise the passive: “want it to banned .” – “want it to be banned”
– Be careful with subject- verb agreement: which can even causes death – “which can even cause”
– “For example, a person who has a weak heart and leads a normal life with the help of exercise and some medicament, might not survive if he takes alcohol.” This is not entirely true. Drinking alcohol in moderation can be ok for your health. However, it is when alcohol is abused that it becomes dangerous.