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Glin

It is argued that children require some sort of extracurricular activity such as learning musical instruments simultaneously with academics, while others feel that students need to concentrate completely on educational subjects such as mathematics and science. This essay would discuss these both views and will provide a fair opinion.

Cultural activities are necessary for children to boost the children’s hobbies and interests to relieve the academic stress. For instance, learning and playing any musical instruments will give a peace of mind, which will improve their concentration in life. As a result, the students would be able to develop artistic abilities, which can inturn help in their future life such as a carrier of their own intrest.

On the other hand, some parents oppose the idea of engaging students in other activities, in order to keep the focus of their offsprings on studies. For example, if a child is involved in music or related event, rather than keeping the academic subjects in priority, the children gets distracted. This would result in poor achievements in examination and in future they would not be able to get through in a professional occupation.

In conclusion, there is a requirement of engaging children in extra curricular activities to avoid mental stress related to studies, simultaneously, prioritising modules such as mathematics and science for a better future. In my opinion, a child should not be bombarded with studies as well as other activities, it should be carefully analysed by the parents which would suit the ability of the child to cope.

Community Band Score

2 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 92 votes, average: 6.50 out of 9 (2 votes, average: 6.50 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Nice essay Glin ????
    + Well developed ideas
    + Good use of examples
    + Good use of linking words
    + This is a very good idea: “In my opinion, a child should not be bombarded with studies as well as other activities, it should be carefully analysed by the parents which would suit the ability of the child to cope.”- however you should have a paragraph about it; not simply mention it in the conclusion. 
    – You must give your position in the introduction: “This essay would discuss these both views and will provide a fair opinion.”- this is not a position. This will stop you from getting band 7 in Task Achievement
    – You should make it clear which side you agree with. Do this in the introduction, body and conclusion with discussion essays. 

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