Wai Fong

Wai Fong

Many people contend that young children ought to learn to play a musical instrument; others argue that science and mathematics are more essential subjects so that these subjects have to be put in a higher priority at school. Despite the fact that playing a musical instrument is a good hobby which benefits the emotions and creativity of young children, I personally believe that science and mathematics should be more emphasized.
People who support teaching young children musical instrument support this idea for two reasons: cultivating children’s creativity and promoting their psychological well-being. Firstly, the process of learning and playing a musical instrument has been found related to one’s creativity. Instead of asking children to memorise mathematics formula and periodic table, it would be more beneficial to their cognitive development if they learnt to play musical instrument. Secondly, some advocates, who play a music instrument well, think that it is relaxing when they play the instrument. They believe that this would give children a means to get rid of stressful school life, so that they could be more mentally stable.
Turning to the opposite side of the argument, people think mathematics and science have to be taught first because of two factors: these subjects being more useful in children’s daily life and not everyone having adequate time and resources to learn musical instrument. In the modern society nowadays, people would be in trouble if they did not know anything about science and mathematics. By getting good results in these subjects, children tend to get into a more prestigious school and their future might be safeguarded. Besides, learning a musical instrument requires a great deal of effort and time, which means that children have to spend extra time after school to practise the instrument. They might have to take tutorial classes for the instrument if they wanted to be expertise the skill, which would cost their parents a vast amount of money. All of these contributions may hinder their further development in other aspects such as academic result or playing sports.
In conclusion, even though learning a musical instrument is advantageous to children’s creativity and emotions, I support the idea that science and mathematics ought to be prioritised as not every children hold adequate resources to learn a musical instrument and learning these subjects is conducive to the future academic and career prospects of the children.

Community Band Score

2 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 92 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9 (2 votes, average: 7.00 out of 9)
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Comments

  1. Very nice essay Fion ????
    + Clear position in your introduction
    + Nice phrases to distance yourself from the viewpoint that you don’t agree with: “People who support teaching young children musical instruments”, “They believe”
    + Very well developed ideas. 
    + Lots of good linking words making your writing very easy to follow. 
    Some small mistakes.
    – has been found related to one’s creativity. – has been found to be related to one’s creativity.
    – and periodic table – and the periodic table
    – have to be taught first – should be prioritised (“have to be taught first” isn’t a clear synonym of “should be prioritised” 
    – to get rid of stressful school life – to be rid of the stress stemming from their school life

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